Epic Video Game RP Thread of Epicness!
by Twilit King not Twilight King
Summary: This zany fan-fiction is an on-going adventure featuring characters from Mario to Sonic to General Shang to Dante to etc... You get the point. This has been edited to the point where it makes some sense.
1. Let The Smackula Begin AKA Chapter 1

Once there was a man in a clockyard.

And there standing in front of him was a man...But not just any man. It was Hunter S. Thompson.

Hunter spat at the ground and asked "Whatchya doin' here, Jim?"

Jim said, "Looking for tea. Why?"

Hunter handed him a cup full of what we can only assume was tea.

Capt. Falcon runs through, and steals the tea, "Falcon STEAL!"

Jim's body collapses in on itself in a heavy sigh. "How does this always happen to me," he mutters under his breath.

As Jim gets up, he wonders to himself about how his son is doing away at school.

"He's fine. He's lost his virginity already" Hunter said, somehow reading his mind.

The scene cuts to school, where Jim's son is frantically looking around his bedroom with a detective's magnifying glass. "For God's sake!" he exclaims. "I need to find my virginity! I have to return it to the store by 8 o'clock!"

His eyes grow wide as he realizes he left his virginity in his other pants - which are still at the dry cleaner's.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door of the room. "Who's there?" asks the boy.

The Great Fairy bursts in; she has pink hair flowing gracefully down her body, which is only covered by some strategically-placed leaves.

"Huh," the boy thought. "She doesn't look like so much of a drag queen in person. I thought she was confined to water, though."

As if on cue, the boy (who we'll call Reginald from this point on) looks down to see that he is standing ankle-deep in water.

"Crap," Reginald mutters under his breath. "The showers are backed up again. I really need to find another place to... uh, 'shake hands with the unemployed,' as it were."

But unfortunately Spider-Man kidnapped him.

AND HE WAS DRUNK!

No wait, I am.

BUT SPIDERMAN COULD HAVE BEEN!

A recent investigation showed he was actually high... in a spider web

And when Spider-Man was in the web he took off his mask to reveal that he was in fact Hunter S. Thompson

This had led to a universal expansion into a new dimension, as he could not kidnap his own son.

In an effort to escape from dwelling on such matters...Hunter/Spiderman dropped Reggie off in a Mormon boys' choir.

"Sorry, son," he spat. "That witch was bad news."

This was why she was burned at the stake shortly after.

Reginald's timing was perfect when he was dropped into the Mormon Boys' choir, because they were rehearsing the title theme from Mega Man 2.

However, one of the boys was defiant. "This sucks!" he yelled right in the middle of practice. "Why can't we sing something else?"

The Mormon Shepherd looked at the boy. Stared at him and the words that came out of his lips changed Reginald's life forever:

"I'm gonna beat you like a rented mule, boy." an angry mob of producers tech men and actors then chased him off the set forcing him to "Gotta run now"

Wouldn't you like to know? One with the leaf on the flag... way up north, Canada

Unfortunately though, while he thought he could get away he was suddenly intercepted by John Madden.

Madden hit him in the face the boy was hit by tough Actin Tinactin kick

BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN Joe Montana came of Techmo Super Bowl and just raped Madden.

As he was being raped, Madden looked at Joe right in the eye and said,

"Touchdown!"

All of a sudden, to interrupt the chaos, in FLOSSMAN came in a brilliant burst of light! He lifted Madden and Joe up and shoved them aside. He then strode over to the Mormon boy. "I will not hate you for hating this music," Flossman said. However, you must learn that we all must discover the glory of Mega Man someday. Your day will come eventually. It will be an adventure filled with many trials, ups and downs, yet you will eventually find your place within the Mega Man fan boys. I have only started your journey.

"Who are you?" The townspeople asked.

Flossman dramatically took off his sunglasses to reveal another pair of sunglasses underneath, "None of your business, mutha fucka."

And he flew off into the sunset.

Suddenly, the sunset started attacking him, and Flossman dodged the fireball, fighting back with a …

Pair of Magic Scissors, also they shoot laser beams!

Flossman looks back and right behind him, CAPTAIN FUCKING FALCON IS RUNNING TOWARDS HIM!

At this sight, Flossman …

...sold a T-shirt at him! And lo, Captain Falcon was defeated. Meanwhile, Flossman landed in the Flosscave and took off his mask and thousand pairs of sunglasses, revealing himself as the one, the only, BRENTALFLOSS! Hopefully no one will discover his secret identity...

Meanwhile, the Mormon boy asked the townsfolk around him where to start his journey to find the delight of Mega Man.

"Follow the blue and cyan brick road!" They all sang in perfectly rehearsed melodies and counterpoints.

So the Mormon boy started down the blue and cyan brick road until he came across Little Nemo the dream master,

and then an out of thin air a huge pile of random illegal substances fell from the sky followed by a very intoxicated Hunter S. Thompson welding a Power Glove shaped like a fist with two thumbs and a beam of THC, LSD, mescaline and cocaine shot forth from its palm and then hunter who at this point was Surrounded by giant bats said "SLEEP BOY SLEEP" Morman Boy fell in to a deep sleep and dreamed of Nemo the Dream Master covered by a purplish haze who then took has old Incan voodoo mask off revealing that he was DR. TRAN! And then...

Nemo the Dream Master/Dr. Tran spoke to the Mormon Boy saying "You must find the Megabuster of Truth that is your first test."

It is located deep within the forest temple there you will be faced with a maze, spiders, rotating hallways, evil spirits known as Poes, and perhaps the worst foe yet: phantom Hunter S. Thopson

And JUST as I finish typing that sentence, I get sucked into my computer. There I wake up in a strange forest. Mormon Boy crouches over me, "Are you alright, mister? I was just about to find some legendary Megabuster!"

"What in the name of..." I begin to think, until an image of Flossman appears in my head.

"Adam..." he says, "Adam...you must aid nameless Mormon Boy in achieving his destiny... The rewards will be great. For now, I shall give you the sword of Konami. Not only is it super-powerful, but it gives the wielder 30 lives. Now take this sword and go!"

Except he accidentally runs the sword through my gut, only 29 lives left...

"Shiiiiit," I say to myself as I pull the sword out of my body, "Okay, kid. Let's go find that Megabuster!"

BUT THEN HUNTER S. THOPSON APPEARS!

Dun dun dun...

As Shae's reading the first sentence of Purpleblob's post, she remembers her doctor's appointment. When she arrives, she thinks this new doctor looks strangely familiar. The doctor sees her immediately - no paperwork, peculiar. He takes one look at her and offers her two pills. a blue one for her to go back to her normal, boring life...or the red one to see what few have a chance to. Sensing adventure and greatness, Shae takes the red pill with some hesitation.

She suddenly wakes up, being pulled down a pipe. Adrenaline pumping, she struggles to get out, but it is no use. An agonizing undetermined amount of time later, she is dumped up through the pipe into the air. As gravity takes hold, she starts to fall...and lands in Hunter's arms.

Hunter sets her down immediately. She thanks him and looks around, taking a minute to absorbed her surroundings as well as whatever the hell just happened to her.

Her eyes flash at the sword of Konami, and then lock with Adam's. "Who..."

Shae takes a step back in fear. Hunter places a hand possessively on her shoulder...

Who then gives her a small soft white pill and says, "Buckle up kid it's gonna be a bumpy ride."

Shae picks it up and looks at it with one eyebrow cocked.

"I think I've had enough pills today," she sighed, placing the pill gently back into Hunter's glove.

Already, the sparkle in her eyes begins to fade. Hunter smirks. The touch of her bare hands on the pill would suffice.

As the trace amounts of the drug seeped in to her blood she began to feel very woozy and then...

She falls into Hunter S. Thopson's arms, who kidnaps her and spirits her away to the Mountain of Doom.

I draw my Sword of Konami and shout to the nameless Mormon Boy, "Come on! We have to save Shae!"

"But what about the Megabuster?"

"Oh little Mormon Boy, you have much to learn," I say to him, "The journey is the most important part."

Flossman then beams down to earth for exactly 3.14 seconds to tell him that Hunter has both Shae and the Megabuster, so we can kill two birds with one stone. He then beams back to the Flosscave.

"Well that solves a lot," I say.

ONWARD! TO ADVENTURE!

So the two set out to find what only flossman could tell the four were floss man beamed down there was a map leading to the water temple (bum Bum BUM) where you will not find the one key you need to get the power of Cutman!

Unfortunately, they could not get into the Water Temple without the aid of Old Man.

They found a cave nearby. Upon entry, a rather grotesque creature greets them with a grunt.

"It's a secret to everybody," he snorts. He presents 50gil to the pair of adventurers.

But after leaving the cave they ran into the evil Gru whom they had to slay with their …

Awesomeness, or mine at least.

I slice Gru in half (hotdog style, not hamburger style) with the mighty Sword of Konami. We then see the same creepy grotesque creature that Shaelyn mentioned setting fire to the Old Man's hut! So I throw the Sword of Konami at him, running him through with it. After wiping the blood of of my sword on the nameless Mormon boy's clothing, we then hurry to a store to buy a bucket of water (THAT COSTS 50 GODDAMN GIL!) Luckily we had just received that money from the creature I've just killed. We douse the Old Man's Hut and coax him out of the half-destroyed house with some cheese.

"Brave adventurers," he says, "Well done."

He then sees that the nameless Mormon Boy doesn't have any weapons. So he presents him with the powers of Cutman, uttering the famous "Take this; it's dangerous to go alone!" line, as all the fan boys sigh in happiness. With these new powers, he opens up the portal to the secret fortress on the Mountain of Doom, where Shea is being held captive and where Hunter is keeping the Megabuster. We fight our way through the entire dungeon and find the big key that will let us enter the final room.

Inside, we see Shea tied to a generic conveyor belt of doom. Then we see the menacing, drug-induced Hunter! And he's got the Megabuster!

Hunter S. Thopson  
>Drug Filled Former Hero<p>

Ominous music begins to play.

Before the first blow was struck, Samurai Jack appeared from a Black and White striped portal right above them, landing on top of them.

The poor Mormon boy asked Jack "Who are you and what are you doing her-" but he was suddenly cut out by Hunter, who attacked with a …

Shot of PCP from his needle-tipped Freddy Krueger Power Glove. He stabs Samurai Jack with it, turning him into a hulking monster. I duel Samurai Jack while nameless Mormon Boy (with his new Cutman powers) duels Hunter.

Meanwhile Shae slowly inches closer and closer to her doom as she watches the battle.

But just before the final blow was struck, out of the sky a blast of light and out of the flash came Lion-O leader of the Thunder Cats

Luckily he lands flat on Mormon Boy's Cutman-head-thing. So as nameless Mormon Boy struggles to get the corpse off of him, Hunter is about to stab him with enough drugs to overdose and kill him. However at the last minute I manage to disarm Samurai Jack and throw him in front of Hunter's weapon. Jack is killed and Hunter's Krueger-Power Glove is lodged in his body. Before he can recover it, Mormon Boy and I surround him, about to kill him, when suddenly he turns into smoke!

We hear a faint voice on the horizon, "I'll get you next time!"

We sigh in relief and rejoice when we realize that Hunter has left the Megabuster behind.

But we then realize that Shea is inches away from being smelted in the conveyor belt of doom!

I nobly jump into the gears of the machine, jamming it and killing myself. But luckily since I'm still wielding the Sword of Konami, it only takes away one of my lives. 28 lives left...

Mormon Boy uses his Cutman Powers to untie Shae, and we offer her the fallen Hunter's Power Glove while Mormon Boy equips the Megabuster. We ask her if she would like to accompany us on our epic journey. Our next task is to find the Metal Blades...

Shae instead screams her head off.

"What in the hell do you think you were doing? I didn't ask to be rescued! You people need to mind your own business. I suppose I owe you for your death, now?" she scowls, and starts to walk away, anywhere.

She then stops in mid-track as she realizes how lonely that would be, but she's too proud to turn around after her explosion. She feels her hands turn to fists as she pushes forward.

So we kidnap her instead.

"That's it, Shae! You're coming with us for the sake of plot device! AND YOU! ARE GOING! TO LIKE IT!"

Just then, a warp pipe drops down, and Mario tumbles down out of it.

Mario? Shae's jaw drops in recognition. THE DOCTOR! THAT WAS DOCTOR MARIO!

"Let me go!" Shae gets loose and chases down Mario, when a bunch of peahats suddenly circle around the two of them.

She waves back at those she left behind, "HELP!"

I slap my hand to my forehead in frustration while the Mormon kid freaks out a bit. Although every bit of logic says I shouldn't, I can't ignore a classic damsel in distress when the opportunity arises. Me and Mormon Boy take the peahats out, but when the smoke clears, Dr. Mario lies dead. Shae cries over his corpse as Mormon Boy delivers funeral rites as I sadly sing Dr. Mario with lyrics as the London Symphony orchestra plays a funeral version of "Fever." With Mario buried, we decide we need to not only find the Metal Blades, but use them to get violent, violent revenge on Hunter, who had sent the Peahats to assassinate all of us.

Shae thinks for a moment, and then desperately looks at the group, "It's too late for a 1UP, BUT...does anyone have any phoenix downs?"

Everyone slowly shakes their bowed heads.

Shae gets up slowly, angrily. "I need a fucking weapon." Her nostrils flare as she realizes her main link to discovering what was going on in this world - as well as the one she just left - was now gone.

There will be ass-kickery and death.

I mean, if you think you're done being a damsel in distress for a while, we can give you Hunter's Power Glove.

That is, if you're really through with having us save you every 5 minutes.

Kay?

After my sarcastic tirade is done, Shae angrily grabs the Power Glove and equips it. It fits like a...well like a glove, really. She then stabs me with it, wanting to take out her rage on something.

Bitch.

27 lives left.

"Will you kindly not do that? Thanks."

"It's okay," she says, "I got it out of my system."

"Well good. We need to find those Metal Blades. I think if I remember correctly, we have to kill Metal Man."

The group departs. Everyone has their minds set on avenging Mario. Even the Mormon boy, who is still quite confused over all that has transpired.

"Hey! There's a body over there!"

Lying square in the middle of the road, there was a figure clad in green, also he had: Brown boots, a blue shield near the body, and sword on its left hand.

Shae kept staring at the body, while the others gathered around to see if the man/woman/child was okay.

"It... It can't... can't be..." she muttered. For the figure was obviously...

"NEIL, from the web series THE LEGEND OF NEIL!"

He gets up, utters "balls," and looks around. He sees all of us and asks, "Are you trying to find the Metal Blades too? I just kind of woke up in this game and Old Man told me to find them."

"This game"...?

OH, so it seems we're inside a video game! At least there's one part of the mystery solved.

Meanwhile, Flash Man watches us from a distance and gets a page on his wristwatch. A stereotypically evil voice emanates from it, "YOU FOOL! WHY IS SHAE NOT IN YOUR CUSTODY?"

"Well there were some complications!" he pleads into the watch.

"COMPLICATIONS? I'LL MAKE COMPLICATIONS TO YOUR FACE IF YOU DON'T KIDNAP SHAE AND BRING HER TO ME! SHE IS VITAL TO OUR PLANS OF WORLD DOMINATION! NOW IS THAT CLEAR?"

"Yes sir..."

As the group travels to their destination a small but very important worm is inching his way past the dead body of Mario. Out of the sky a super suit did fall on top of the worm, this suit increased the worms I.Q as well as his physical power

A second worm also absorbs Mario's energy from his corpse. So Mario's consciousness, skills, and personality are transferred into the worm!

"MARIO LIVES!"

So Super Mario Worm and the newly-created Earthworm Jim join our party while Shae cries in happiness, although Mario's technically a worm.

"Who-a knows?" Super Mario Worm says cheerfully, "Maybe I'll-a get my old-a body back-a from-a-the glory of-a Mega Man!"

Just then, Dr. Wily appears in his spaceship!

"Hahahahaha I have you all now!"

Just then a cavalcade of Mega Man 2 bosses appears!

Metalman, Airman, Flashman, Quickman, Heatman, and Bubbleman get into attack position!

"REMEMBER, WILY: WE WANT THEM ALIVE!" the same evil voice says over Wily's spaceship intercom.

We all get into attack position. I take on Metalman, Mormon Boy fights Airman, Shae faces off against Flashman, Neil encounters Quickman, and Earthworm Jim faces Heatman, while Super Mario Worm engages Bubbleman in combat.

The one and only FLOSSMAN himself appears to take on Dr. Wily!

"LET THE BATTLE BEGIN!"

Quickman begins singing "Can't touch this" while spinning around Neil. He tries to follow Quickman with his eyes but is starting to get dizzy. Meanwhile, Shae is taking on Flashman, and glances at Neil.

"You IDIOT, she's spinning around you! Do you know what you have to do!" she yells in rage.

"Huh? Oh... OH! I know! Thanks, girl"

And Neil immediately...

Charges his sword to shoot Quickman as he passes by, but Heatman blasts him from behind. With his heart meter running out, he calls upon the fairy, who gives him sexual healing, bringing him back up to full health. With that, he waits until Quickman passes by and shoots a sword-laser at him, obliterating the villain.

Bubbleman shoots a wave of...bubbles...at Super Mario Worm, who almost gets drowned in the...bubbles...but instead jumps on Bubbleman's head, killing him instantly and gaining the bubble lead.

Meanwhile Earthworm Jim is firing blasts from his laser gun at Heatman with no avail. Super Mario Worm then uses the bubble lead to extinguish Heatman, who is defenseless against Earthworm Jim's volleys of laser fire, which destroy the fiend.

Even more meanwhile, I keep dodging Metalman's metal blades, each one barely missing me. I need some help.

While THIS is happening, nameless Mormon Boy is dueling Airman, who blows him back with his...blowing...powers... However, Mormon Boy is in no mood for such fuckery and shoots a pair of Cutman scissors into his wind tube, causing him to explode. He then runs to my aid and uses the Megabuster to shoot one of Metalman's blades high up into the air. I catch it as it falls and whip it at Metalman, who never stood a chance.

Seeing his plans fall to utter shit, Dr. Wily flees, with Flossman in hot pursuit.

We all corner Flashman, but the cheapskate freezes time on us. Not fair...

Next thing we know, we are all in a dark place. We have very little knowledge of what's going on until our cell door opens, and we see the true villain of our adventures.

Standing outside of the cell is none other than Dracula, evil master of darkness and his best friend Stephen Colbert.

But is thwarted by Flossman who tells the travelers to go to the white poppy inn and there they will find the next piece of their adventure...hours later at the white poppy in the travelers sit down to have a drink as they take their first sips Shae looks to her left to see a man with a smirk on his face his eyes hidden by his leather hat his movements hidden by his long black coat but it was fairly easy to tell he was armed to the teeth, he sat on a plush rug in the corner of the inn smoking a very ornate hookah he looked up from under the brim of his hat at Shae" What took you so long?" He said she tried to ignore him but she tried to sneak a glance and he was looking her dead in the eye so she stood up walked over and sat with him the others watching her carefully she could smell the burning opium now with smoke erupting from his maw like dragons breath he said" my name is avilonis and I'll be your guide to the desert temple...

I stride over to avilonis, "What's at the Desert Temple?"

"Only the save button, we are in a game after all, so what would we do if one of you were to die? Did you even think about that?"

"The save button, of course!" Earthworm Jim shouts dramatically.

We all look at him awkwardly for a bit until we decide to head out.

Meanwhile, Dracula's fortress lies in shambles from when Flossman rescued all of us.

"YOU FOOLS!" Dracula shouts in his booming voice, "HOW COULD YOU LET THEM ESCAPE?"

"But sir," Dracula's right hand man Stephen Colbert protests, "It was Flossman! He's just too damn hard to beat!"

"Yes. But if you let them reach the Save Button, it's your head, Colbert! Now use my teleporting device and DON'T LET THEM REACH THE SAVE BUTTON! Kill them all if you have to! But...remember, Colbert...we need Shae alive. Wily failed, and I have punished him for it," the Prince of Darkness, glancing at two plaques over his fireplace - one with Wily's head, and one with his prosthetic robot dick, "Shae is vital to our plans, which is why her capture is essential. Do not fail me, or you'll wish your dick was prosthetic."

The travelers walked slowly though the desert all but there outlaw guide who was riding his black mustang keeping her at a slow pace Shae looked at the massive pair of silver revolvers that might as well have been cannons that were hanging from hanging off his hips. "Nice aren't they?" He said exhaling a toke from his long smoking pipe resembling the pipes hobbits used, "Yes, but don't you think there a bit over kill?" avilonis let out a slow weak laugh "You don't know what's in this desert let alone the temple, trust me you would rather me shoot you in the gut with one of these then leave you to the beasties out here"

Purple looked around the endless dunes seemingly worried "don't worry Purple, we won't see anything until dark which is why we need to get to the oasis by dark"

They press on towards the temple. Shae remains quiet and stares forward, her mind processing the events ever since she took that pill.

Soon however a golem pops of a temple wall and she starts to fight! or so she thinks, as the pill also had a hallucinogenic effect!

It turns out that Stephen Colbert is responsible for playing to Shae's drug usage by creating the image of a golem! He runs with Shae in tow to Dracula's nearest generic temple of doom. We all confront him, weapons drawn, to find him threating Shae with his new, untamed brand of comedy! THE FIEND!

Mormon Boy throws a Cutman boomerang, which passes Colbert by but nicks his hand on the way back, causing him to release Shae, who promptly turns around and stabs Colbert with a mixture of crack and truth serum from her drug-tipped Krueger Power Glove.

Colbert clutches his chest in pain and collapses to the ground. I'm about to kill him when he says:

"WAIT! I can take you to the save point!"

"And why should we trust you?" I say, lowering my sword.

"Because," suddenly everything goes dark except for a spotlight on him while soap opera music plays, "I never wanted to join Dracula. I've always wanted my whole life to have my own TV show. Maybe if I escape this game ... I would call it ... The Stephen Report!"

We all laugh at his nativity yet acknowledge that he has hopes and dreams like the rest of us.

Colbert joins our party and promises to guide us to the save button.

Suddenly, a strange old man named Breff Jenneman appears.

"Greetings," he bellows. "I shall periodically appear to annoy you with math!"

"You are currently traveling toward your destination at a rate of twenty miles per day. At the same time, a horde of murderous leprechauns are approaching you from the opposite direction at a pace of sixteen miles per day, but are also increasing their pace at a rate of an extra two miles per day, per day. Given that you and the leprechauns are a hundred miles apart, and to turn back from your current path is impossible, how long do you have until the leprechauns are upon you and they proceed to feast upon your flesh and bones?"

With that, Breff Jenneman vanishes, leaving everyone bewildered.

Suddenly it turns dark, then 5 seconds later it turns light again, and then suddenly dark once again. 5 minutes later it turns light again but then goes right back to darkness, just to prove that whatever higher power up above is fucking with us.

Then we remember what Avilonis and Breff Jenneman have told us...

As if on cue, tons of bloodthirsty goblins charge towards us.

We manage to fight most of them off, and they run away.

But GASP! OH NO! Super Mario Worm and Stephen Colbert are mortally wounded!

Super Mario Worm has nearly been squished and Colbert...well...he has no body below his waist anymore. But for some reason they're both still alive...

Our only hope is to reach the save button, which is fabled to recharge health.

Did I say goblins? I meant leprechauns, of course...

Shae shakes her fist at the goblichauns and reaches to pick up Super Mario Worm, but he is quickly eaten by a Grue before she gets the chance. Gone, just like that. Her eyes flash in surprise and frustration. Mormon Boy picks up Colbert and carries him on his back.

They trudge on...and find a shop on the way to the save point. They are greeted by the shopkeeper upon entry. Unfortunately, he only has bombs - he is sold out of everything else.

avilonis walked up to the shopkeeper and whispered to him the shop keepers eyes lit up and he walked over to an unlit torch, pulled a bottle containing a blue flame flickering in the sun he poured the flame on the oily cloth of the torch as if it were liquid and not the flame that it was. as the torched began to burn a man sized opening in the back of the shop open the shop keeper waved them in, inside they found enough fire power to take on a midsized country "Grab what you want, this guy owns me one" avilonis said lighting his long pipe.

We hurry and grab what we can carry, and bolt out of there. Colbert's HP is draining rapidly.

avilonis takes a small green bottle out of one of his saddle bags and helps Colbert nurse it down "There, it's no cure but will take the pain away and keep you awake for a while." Colbert just nods trying to conserve energy...a few hours later they pass a very ornate tent  
>"Stop we're here, get him inside" They pull the curtain like doors open to find a very old man sitting on a rug who produces a revolver at the sight of avilonis. "Now wait a second old man, I'm not here to kill you."<br>"I know, you're here so I can kill you," the old man said very calmly  
>"Look the only one dying here is my friend if there was anyone else in this god forsaken wasteland who can pull of that voodoo shit I would have gone straight to him but there's not." They both stared each other down it was quite to the point you could hear them breathing both had their hands above there holsters fingers ready.<br>"Fine but when I fix him you and I are gonna finish this once and for all"  
>avilonis's grin faded, "Fine old man, I could never say no to a death bed promise." So after six hours of lots of occult items are being boiled down they placed Colbert on the floor then the old man brought in a large clay statue, he then cut it in half and placed the lower half with Colbert making him look like half clay. he then pour the nasty brown elixir on the clay half after a moment Colbert woke and found he could stand everyone went and helped him stand and cheered, except avilonis...the group walked outside to see the old man and avilonis standing about 10 feet apart hand still above there holsters and like a bolt of lightning the old man drew his pistol and fired a shot hitting avilonis in the arm (his aim not being what it used to be) but by the time he had fired that one shot avilonis had emptied his revolver in to the old man but neither fell or even flinched for that matter.<br>The wounds began to show on the old man six large spots of very dark blood began to pour he nodded at avilonis who nodded back the old man slumped to his knees then fell back and lay still, "We can stay here tonight then we ride," avilonis said.  
>"Who was that?"Shae asked.<br>avilonis looked down at her under his black hat and simply said "My old man."

After a moment of dramatic silence, we lay down to sleep. I'm about to find a nice cozy looking spot over the ground when I trip on something. Turns out what I tripped on was the save button, how convenient. So we sleep for about 5 hours...or a microsecond; I can't tell. We then decide to trudge on...but to where? It seems we've lost track of the Blue and Cyan road!

The travelers are now in the land of Ooo where they are greeted by the adventure boy Finn and his best bud Jake the dog.

However they look like a threat so I accidentally kill them both. Shit, there goes our one clue we could have gotten as to where the hell the blue and cyan brick road is. We decide that Flossman must be summoned. We build a ritual fire and prepare to do the Floss Dance.

However our heroes soon realize that to correctly preform the dance you must have only green eyes for a face, an amputated arm, and scarf ice a goat ...They turn to each other and only utter one word. "Shit"

We also realize that Flossman only appears when you least expect-

BOOM! FLOSSMAN APPEARS!

See? It was most expected, so in a way it was LEAST expected!

Anyways... he points the way back to the blue and cyan road..."THROUGH THE FIRE TEMPLE!"

As they walk they feel the heat start to rise when a fire Wizrobe walks out and fires a fireball at avilonis who jumps over it and while in the air unloads both his 500's in to the Wizrobe only taking 3 seconds to fire all 12 rounds at him. they walked up to the twisted mangled corpse Shae then notices a small key hanging from what was once his neck they take it and press on.

We see a small little treasure chest rattling about, so we use the key to open it. Out pops Navi, who had been captured by Dracula's minions?

"HEY! LIST-" that's all she has time to say before avilonis shoots her immediately.

But luckily, she explodes into a big key! HOORAY!

We take the big key and enter the final room.

Inside, we see none other than...HUNTER S. THOMPSON, and he's constructed another Krueger-style Power Glove!

I sit back at my computer reading the entire thread. 'Oh shit' I thought, 'They must be in trouble.'

I tap into the network as fast as I can to see if I could contact one of the heroes. They all were in search of the SAVE button. I was a computer genius that could do anything, even going as far as hacking into the game and activating cheat codes for infinite health, lives, super jump, etc. I wasn't sure what would come of this, but I had to do something.

EeveeChick attempts to give everybody a sword of Konami, but she accidentally materializes into the game, landing right in the evil Hunter's arms! But all is not lost for our heroine, as another Sword of Konami is falling towards her, just about to reach her grasp...

Hunter grabs the sword instead of me and had it up to my neck; threatening everyone that one false move would result in my death. Luckily, I fooled Hunter into thinking that there was an ice cream truck behind him and kicked him in the shin. He dropped the sword and winced in pain. I grabbed the sword and passed it along to one of the heroes. I unzipped my Hoodie and brushed it back to reveal a belt with six PokéBalls. I grabbed one and brought Espeon into the battle.

I shouted, "Espeon, use Psychic!"

Espeon used its strong Psychic move to weaken Hunter, but not so much. He was a strong foe.

"You think your creatures will defeat me?" he cried.

"You have no idea what you are dealing." I said, "Now Espeon, use Swift!"

Espeon shot stars from the jewel on its head, but Hunter easily knocked them away. Just as Hunter was about to use his glove to attack Espeon, I called it back and sent out Vaporeon.

"Vaporeon, use Surf!"

Vaporeon's Surf pushed back Hunter into the wall. He feels over onto his knees.

As we wrestle his Krueger glove away from him and give it to Shae for dual wielding, I sheath my sword of Konami and equip my metal blades.

"No! You don't have to do this!" he pleads.

I lift him up by his neck, "You sent those minions to kill Mario, didn't you?"

"Yes," he confesses, pale in the face. However he suddenly adopts a strong front again, "And I'd do it again if I had the chance!"

Colbert unsheathes his newly acquired Sword of Konami and goes to behead Hunter, but I stop him.

"No," I say, "It's too merciful."

With that, he lunges to attack me, but I shoot a metal blade at him, slicing his leg clean off. I shoot another blade at his stomach, pinning him to the wall. We all take part in this brutal slaughter, Earthworm Jim blasting his hand clean off while Mormon Boy shoots a pair of Cutman scissors into his gut. In the end, though, since it's the Ides of March, we all take out daggers and finally finish off the fiend Julius Caesar style.

We emerge from the fire temple and see both sunlight and the blue and cyan brick road! Hooray! We follow it and continue on our epic journey...

I gush over Earthworm Jim, who I've been a fan of for many years.

"You are so awesome." I said to him, shaking his hand, "I can't believe we are traveling together on this journey."

"It's always a pleasure meeting fans like you." he said, giving me a wink.

I also introduced myself to all the other heroes in the group; Mormon boy, Purpleblob, and Shae. I didn't remember if there was anyone else in the group, but we traveled the blue and cyan road, while I was belting out a brentalfloss tune.

Pretty soon, we were all getting hungry, so we found a burger joint to stop and take a lunch break. The clerk looked strangely familiar. He was wearing some blue overalls, a green shirt, a green hat, a chef hat and apron.

"Luigi, is that you?" I asked.

"Yes it's me," he said, sadly, "I heard word that my brother died a horrible tragedy. Is this true?"

"I'm afraid so," Purpleblob said.

"What am I going to do now?" Luigi sobbed.

"Well, I think I know a way to bring Mario back, but it would require me to hack into the mainstream system." I explained.

"How do we do that?" Shae asked curiously.

"Simple," I answered. "The Save Button."

"That can't be possible." Earthworm Jim chimed in.

"After all," I add, "We already hit the button, and by then it was too late."

We all think for a bit before Flossman beams down again, "I know of somebody who knows the location of another save button."

We all say in perfect unison, "Who?"

"Why, Felicia Day, of course."

Of course! Felicia Day, the online gamer, healer, and actress!

"But hurry up," Flossman adds, "I have the feeling she might be in terrible danger..."

So we all (me, EeveeChick, Shae, avilonis, Nameless Mormon Boy, Earthworm Jim, Neil [from the Legend of Neil], Stephen Colbert, and now Luigi) set off along the blue and cyan brick road to find Felicia Day.

Meanwhile at Dracula's castle, Dracula is scheming evilly with Flashman, Crashman, and Woodman.

"At last," he says to his cohorts, "My plan is nearly completed. We are just missing 2 more elements..."

"And what are you talking about with these elements, sir?" asks Woodman.

"Have you forgotten about the three secret power sources?"

The others look confused until Dracula goes on, "The three living power sources that the Prophecy of Civilization speaks of - Princess Peach, Felicia Day, and Shae. We already have one of these elements," He adds, motioning to a bound, gagged, and pissed off Princess Peach, "But we need the two more. And that's where you come in."

"What do you want us to do, boss?"

"It's simple," Dracula states as he takes a sip from a goblet of blood, "Kidnap Felicia Day."

The adventures went on fully rested to waiting for floss man to tell them were to go next when a rouge jumped out of now where and produced his blade. avilonis produced his pipe to which Shae said "is it really time for that?"  
>"Yep" he said quickly biting the pipe and lighting its contents then blowing the smoke on to the bandit freezing him in place," if you could not tell I'm a Pyrareomancer I can control my smoke and use it to do almost anything"<p>

Anyways, we reach Felicia Day's cottage, and she emerges with a potion and a map.

"Here you go," she says. "This map will show you how to get to the save point. Just use this potion once you get there to bring Mario back. Now let me go make you a nice popsicl-" BUT before she can finish her kind offer, Flashman beams down, freezes time, trusses Felicia up and whisks her away. Just like that. SHIT. After he unfreezes time, we chase after him but Crashman and Woodman beam down. Woodman creates a barrier of leaves around us while Crashman charges his explosives and jumps into the ring Woodman has created around us.

"The boss wants Shae alive," he says menacingly, "He didn't say anything about the rest of you, though..."

He lowers his weapons at us, chuckling all the way...

I bring out Flareon.

"Flareon use Flamethrower!"

Flareon's Flamethrower burns down all of the leaves that were surrounding us. The flame also hits Crashman, making his bombs explode his arm off, disabling him.

"Finish them off and take Shae, Woodman!" Crashman yelled.

"But fire is my major weakness." Woodman pointed out.

Crashman sighed, "Fine, we'll have to retreat for now. But know this...Shae will soon be ours!"

Woodman and Crashman beamed themselves away. We were all relieved as I retreated Flareon back into its Pokeball.

"Wow, those creatures are powerful," Earthworm Jim said with excitement, "What are they?"

"They're called Pokemon," I explained, "I've been a Pokemon Trainer since I was fifteen. They are my companions and best friends."

"Crap, they took Felicia Day!" Purpleblob interrupted.

"I'm a bit scared." Shae said, "What if they get me next?"

"Don't worry, that won't happen." Steven Colbert said.

"Not if we stick together." avilonis added in.

The gang pulled out the map to look where they had to go and then continued on their journey towards the next Save button.

Back at Dracula's Castle:

"What do you mean you were beaten by mere creatures?" Dracula shouted angrily.

"It's not our fault, Boss." Crashman said, getting his arm repaired by a nurse bot, "Those things are so powerful. We had no choice but to leave."

"It's true." Woodman said, backing up his comrade, "That's how Hunter was defeated, along with that Purpleblob-guy and the other heroes."

Dracula rubbed his chin as he paced back and forth in the Throne Room.  
>"Hmm, this gives me an idea," Dracula said cunningly, "We'll kidnap this creature girl and ransom her in exchange for Shae."<br>"Hold that thought, sire!"  
>Dracula turned around to his mirror to see a ghostly face.<br>"What do you want, Simmons?" Dracula asked annoyed.  
>"This creature girl that you speak of," Simmons said, "Actually plays a role in our plan in search of the three secret power sources."<br>"What do you mean by this?" Dracula shot another question, growing curious.  
>"You see," Simmons explained, "Along the three secret power sources, her creatures also contain different elemental powers of their own. I'll pull the list of them on this mirror here:<br>Vaporeon = Water  
>Jolteon = ElectricThunder/Lightning  
>Flareon = Fire<br>Espeon = Psychic  
>Umbreon = DarknessDark  
>Leafeon = GrassEarth  
>Glaceon = Ice<br>If we manage to capture her and Shae, we'll be able to power up the three secret power sources and become unstoppable!"  
>Dracula loved this idea and all of the villains in the room cackled and laughed, putting they're revised plan into action.<p>

As we walk towards the save button, we start thinking for a bit...  
>"That Flashman! He just keeps freezing time on us! That's how he captured us before and now he took Felicia with it, too!" I rant, "We need to find some way to prevent him freezing time on us."<br>Suddenly we see a flash of red and then EeveeChick is gone.  
>"YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?" I shout in frustration.<br>"What we need to do," avilonis states matter-of-factly, blowing out a puff of smoke, "is train ourselves to be so fast that Flashman's freezing time is irrelevant..."  
>We clearly need to do 3 years' worth of training in 3 minutes. Hm...how to do that...?<br>Suddenly, Captain Li Shang joins our party and we all sing "I'll Make a Man out of You" until we're suddenly sufficiently trained. Now we must find that save point and rescue Princess Peach, Felicia, and EeveeChick!  
>MEANWHILE AT THE FORTRESS OF DOOM...I MEAN CASTLE DRACULA!<br>Dracula is enjoying another goblet of wine while forcing Princess Peach and Felicia Day, who are gagged and bound in a way that they can't complain or move away, to watch Twilight. Flashman knocks on the door. Dracula, clearly upset about having to pause Twilight, dabs his tears and calls out, "Yes, what is it now?"  
>Flashman enters, tossing a bound and gagged EeveeChick on the ground in front of Dracula.<br>"Excellent..." the Prince of Darkness hisses, removing EeveeChick's gag.  
>"Now, my dear," he begins, "Where are your friends?"<br>"I'll never tell you, you pale bastard!"  
>"Well that was unladylike," Dracula shoots back, putting her gag back on, "Never fear...we have ways of finding out."<br>With that, he removes all the PokéBalls from EeveeChick's utility belt and hands them off to Woodman.  
>Although EeveeChick can't talk, Dracula clearly sees the worried and panicked look in her eyes, "Don't worry, we'll take good care of your friends..." he cackles menacingly.<br>The scene then fades to black with cheesy 80's action movie "dun dun dun" music playing...

With Captain Li Shang on the team, the heroes were feeling more confident. The "I'll Make a Man Out of You" training session was a success and they went on to the next Save button.  
>"I just realized something." Colbert said, looking at the map, "I know there's one Save button that were going to, but haven't you noticed on this map that there are actually more of them marked off?"<br>Purpleblob whisked the map away from Colbert to have a better look.  
>"So, there is a mainstream of them." Purpleblob said, "My guess would be that we need to get to all of them, right?"<br>"Or better yet," Mormon Boy said, "we should go for the one that is the main Save Point that controls all the other Save Buttons."  
>"But we don't know which one is the MAINSTREAM Save Point," Shae pointed out, "It's not marked on the map and that's why we're going to the closest one."<br>"It doesn't matter," Luigi sobbed, "without EeveeChick, we can't hack into Save Button to save my brother."  
>"Oh crap, that's right." Neil said.<br>It was soon nightfall, so the heroes decided to camp out for the night and they would discuss in the morning of their next plan of action.  
>Dracula's Castle:<br>After the movie Twilight was over, Dracula ordered Woodman and Crashman to take me, Princess Peach, and Felicia Day downstairs to the Dungeon Room. They put us in each of our own cells.  
>"So, you got captured too, huh?" Felicia asked me.<br>"Well shit yeah." I answered, "It happened so fast."  
>"What are we going to do?" Peach asked.<br>"First of all, I have to get my Pokémon back." I said, "Then, the three of us are going to have to attempt to escape. Lucky for me, the only one they don't have is Glaceon. Since I'm only allowed to carry six at a time, Glaceon wasn't with me."  
>"How long will it take for them to find that out?" Peach asked.<br>As if right on cue, we heard Dracula's roar and then a rush of footsteps coming downstairs to our cells. Dracula opened my cell, grabbed me by the neck, and threw me onto the cold floor.  
>"Where is the ice creature?" He hissed.<br>"Like I'm ever going to tell you," I said.  
>This made Dracula angry.<br>"My dear," he said, "If you don't cooperate with me, I'll be forced to kill you, despite the risk of not being able to control your friends."  
>It looked like I had no choice.<br>"I have to contact someone by the name of Professor Oak." I explained, "The rules of the Pokémon League state that a Trainer can only carry six Pokémon with them at a time, so any other captured Pokémon have to be stored away."  
>Dracula calmed down for a bit.<br>"Thank you, my dear." He said, "You may return to your cell. I will have one of minions come get you when I get in touch with this professor friend of yours."  
>I walked into my cell and he locked it behind me. Dracula viciously laughed as he left the three of us to rot in the cold, dark Dungeon Room. <p>

While we are pondering on top of the closest save point, Flossman beams down as he is wont to do. "It seems you're having a little problem here."  
>"You're telling me," I complain.<br>"Hmm, it seems we'll have to speed things up a bit."  
>"What do you mean?" Captain Shang asks.<br>"We're going to have to have a final confrontation with Dracula a lot sooner than anticipated..."  
>Earthworm Jim shouts out dramatically, "The final confrontation, egad!"<br>"I'll have to use my Flossman powers to warp you to castle Dracula. But beware, he's very powerful," Flossman warns us. And with that, he warps us to the front gates of Castle Dracula.  
>Meanwhile, EeveeChick, Princess Peach, and Felicia Day are attempting to break out of their cell. They're finally successful until Woodman, Crashman, and Flashman jump out of the shadows and pounce on them, tying their wrists behind their back before they can even say "What the hell was that?"<br>As EeveeChick is struggling, Dracula steps out of the shadows, holding a fresh goblet of wine.  
>"That Professor Oak was completely useless," he states simply though seething with anger, crushing the goblet of wine in his fist, "He told me your dearly beloved ice creature was killed by a ferocious gang of wild Pikachu, whatever the hell those are. But don't worry too much about your 'friend.' You see, the good professor is quite dead now."<br>With that, he leans down and EeveeChick notices his fangs have been freshly bloodied. EeveeChick attempts to shout the worst obscenity she can at Dracula but Flashman quickly gags her before she can say anything else not rated PG. Woodman and Crashman similarly gag their struggling captives while Dracula steps forward to make an announcement: "Simmons has informed me that Shae and the other heroes are approaching. At last, my plan is nearing completion. This is the final stand; I can feel it." An evil smile forms on his face, "Tie them to the power generator. We want to be ready when our 'guests' arrive.  
>Even MORE meanwhile, Flossman is standing in the clearing from where he teleported us.<br>"So," he says to his self, "It seems Dracula's acting up again."  
>As he speaks, he removes his helmet and armor and dons a leather vest and a wig, "Fuck it. I killed that bastard 100 years ago and I can do it again."<br>He collects his wig and goes off towards Castle Dracula when suddenly he sees an odd looking creature whimpering.  
>"What are you?" Simon Belmont asked the creature.<br>The strange animal suddenly perks up, "Glaceon!"  
>"Glaceon, hmm, well I'm heading off to castle Dracula."<br>Glaceon perks up again at the mention of the dreaded castle.  
>"Is that where your master is?" Belmont inquires.<br>Glaceon nods.  
>"Very well, let's go together."<p>

Simon Belmont, and Glaceon, go around to the back of the castle, where the back door was left unguarded. The crept inside and tiptoed across the very long hallway.  
>"It's almost too quiet." he whispered.<br>Glaceon was sniffing around until it picked up a scent.  
>"Glay!" Glaceon sounded.<br>"We should go that way?" Belmont asked it.  
>He followed the ice animal until they got to the room with the power generator, but they were on a long platform overlooking the power generator. They did see three women tied down. Glaceon kept looking at Belmont, then back at the generator.<p>

"Your master is the girl on the right side of Felicia Day?"  
>Glaceon nodded. Before they could do anything, Dracula entered the room.<br>"Don't worry, I don't plan on doing anything to you three, yet." Dracula said, with an evil smile, "I'm still awaiting Shae's capture."  
>None of the women could talk with the gags around their necks. Suddenly, Dracula takes a sniff and looks up, but sees nothing.<br>"I smell a scent of something familiar." He said quietly.  
>Belmont and Glaceon were hiding under an empty box that was right next to the door they entered. Glaceon looked at Belmont.<br>"You think you can create a distraction?" Belmont asked.  
>Without hesitation, Glaceon created a Hail Storm in the room. Dracula kept getting hit by giant ice balls and didn't have time to think about why a sudden storm came, so he left the room. The hail struck the generator, damaging the circuit board and put it out of commission. Belmont grabbed Glaceon and jumped down to the lower floor and ran to the generator, untying all three women.<br>"Flossman," Felicia asked him, "is that you?"  
>"Yeah, it's me," he said, "I've also brought a friend with me."<br>I was reunited with my Glaceon.  
>"Oh, Glaceon!" I cried, "I was so worried."<br>Our reunion was rather short, since Dracula came back in.  
>While that was going on, our heroes were entering towards the front door. Bats flew around the room, creeping out Shae a bit. They didn't know where the three women were being held captive. While they were pondering this, they were ambushed by Flashman, Woodman, and Crashman. Flashman tried to freeze time, but Shang used his Katana to slice Flashman's arm clean off.<br>"Oh fuck this shit, I'm retreating!" Flashman shouted.  
>Woodman and Crashman stupidly followed behind their comrade. The heroes stood there, stunned.<br>"Okay...what the hell just happened?" avilonis asked, dumbfounded.  
>"Who cares?" Purpleblob said, "Let's just continue finding Felicia, Peach, and EeveeChick."<br>Before anyone made a move, there was a slight chill in the air, followed by heavy footsteps. The heroes ran as quickly as they could and found Dracula leaving through a door. When the close was clear, they entered the room and found a disabled generator, followed by Felicia, Peach, EeveeChick, a dude with long hair, and a blue creature.  
>"Oh thank god you're all save!" Neil said, "But, who's the guy in the chest armor?"<br>Before Belmont had the chance to respond, the whole room went dark. What awaits our heroes? Stay tuned to find out!

Suddenly, Colbert grips his neck in pain and collapses. Seconds later, Shang falls dead, as does Luigi.  
>The lights come back up and there's Dracula with demonic angel wings on his back and Colbert's Sword of Konami in his hand.<br>"I had EVERYTHING!" he roars, "And you all took that away from me! My plans for world domination are down the drain! And YOU SHALL PAY WITH YOUR BLOOD!"  
>I step forward protectively and duel Dracula with my Sword of Konami. It's a bloody battle and we eventually get to the point where he has 10 lives left and I have 2. I'm going to need some back up here.<p>

avilonis blew a smoke ring and quickly fired a round in the center of it then trailed the bullet until it struck Dracula in the chest freezing him in place.

However it didn't last long as Dracula quickly recovered from the hit and swished a wave of energy from his Sword of Konami, knocking back both avilonis and Purpleblob. We helped them up and all of us, Belmont, Glaceon, Shae, Purpleblob, avilonis, Neil, Peach, Felicia, and myself, stood there, ready to fight Dracula some more. Dracula floated down towards the floor and stood a few feet away from us.  
>"I haven't even begun to fight," Dracula yelled, "You won't be able to defeat me!"<br>"We'll see about that!" Belmont cried.  
>Belmont took his whip and aimed it towards him, but Dracula countered it and pulled Belmont towards him. Dracula grabbed Belmont and stared him in the eye.<br>"I know who you are." Dracula said softly.  
>"What are you talking about?" Belmont asked.<br>"Don't play me a fool." Dracula said.  
>Dracula used his powers to zap Belmont, making the Belmont disguise disappear. Belmont was revealed to be none other than brentalfloss himself, wearing his trademark Mega Man shirt, jeans, and shoes. Dracula pushed back brentalfloss into us as we all gasped with disbelieve.<br>"You think you're so funny with that foolish disguise," Dracula asked, "Well, you'll pay for your insolence!"  
>He threw his hands into the air and created a giant ball of energy and laughed manically!<p>

Shae, watching the scene in shock, feels something tickle her foot. She looks down. It was none other than Mario worm! She joyfully picks him up, "You're not dead! How did you survive?"  
>"Well, all things that are eaten are-a pooped out eventually!" Shae shudders at the thought and the smell, sets him back down, and wipes her hand on her green jeans in disgust.<p>

Just then, Mormon Boy shoots a pair of Cutman scissors, slicing off the fiend's hand and causing the energy ball to crash down upon himself. 9 lives left for him. As Dracula nurses his injured hand I stab him in the gut, causing him to lose another life, dodging away before he can strike me. He tries to curse at us but avilonis shoots him in the face. 7 lives left.  
>He casts a dark shield in front of himself, protecting himself from further attack while shouting to his cohorts, "Do what needs to be done!"<br>We turn around to notice that Flashman has repaired the power generator in the blink of an eye and is now making a move to grab Shae. However, due to all our training with Captain Shang, Flashman grabs thin air, instead finding Shae with one of her claws across his throat.  
>"Not this time," and with that, she slices the robot's head clean off. However, she's caught off guard when Crashman shoots a rocket at her, the impact throwing her towards the power generator. She lands on the ground with minimal energy but finds herself being dragged towards the generator by an unseen magnetic force. Suddenly EeveeChick, Peach, and Felicia feel them being pulled towards it as well<br>Meanwhile Crashman continues shooting at us, but we dodge it, causing one rocket to hit woodman, completely obliterating the fiend and one to hit Dracula, dissipating his shield.  
>Now we've got a situation here: If all four of the girls touch the power generator then Dracula's plan will be successful. It seems we need to do something about that generator. We also need to finish off Crashman and a pissed off, 7-lived Dracula.<p>

avilonis then placed a orange substance in his long pipe lighting it, inhaling then opening his maw the smoke flowed upward and incased him it faded and he was gone.  
>He then appeared by the generator casually walking up to it drawing both 500's and unloaded both guns into its main power supply it stopped in its tracks.<p>

Super Mario Worm sees his dead brother on the floor and crawls over to him.  
>"My-a brother is dead." he cried. His tears drip down his body. One of the tears glows in a mystical light. The light engulfs the Mario Bros., reviving them to their former state.<br>"What happened to us, Bro?" Luigi asked.  
>"Never mind that-a," Mario replied. "Let's just grab-a Peach and pull her to a safety."<br>The Mario Bros. find Peach collapsed on the floor and run towards her. I turn to Brentalfloss.  
>"Hey, do you think you can transport those three back to the Mushroom Kingdom?" I asked.<br>"That fucker Dracula zapped all my powers," he answered, out of breath from fighting, "I can't do anything now."  
>I look over to Flashman's dead body and find my PokéBall belt. I swiped it and put it around my waist. Glaceon grabbed its PokéBall that it stored in its fur and rolled it to me. I retreated Glaceon back into its PokéBall and it disappeared back to storage. I sent out Jolteon.<br>"Okay, Jolteon." I said, "I know avilonis disabled the generator, but see if you can draw any remaining electricity from it and give it to Brentalfloss."  
>Jolteon shot a thunderbolt to the generator, getting it to turn on. The generator was emitting heavy sparks.<br>"Hurry Jolteon, before it explodes!" I command.  
>Jolteon used its Volt Absorb ability to gather as much electricity as it could and then passed it on to Brentalfloss. Once that was done, he was able to transform back into Flossman. Flossman beamed Peach, Mario, and Luigi away from the battle with Dracula and just in time as the generator exploded to pieces.<p>

We see the massive fireball and debris traveling towards us rapidly. I decide to act quickly: "avilonis! Can you blow a smoke shield around us?"  
>avilonis smirks, "Next time ask me for something harder to do."<br>"JUST FUCKING DO IT!"  
>He complies, blowing a protective smoke ring around us which blocks the explosion. Crashman and Dracula, however, are not so lucky. The fireball touches Crashman and causes all of his bombs to detonate, completely destroying him and creating an even more massive explosion that engulfs Dracula in flames and slams him into a wall.<br>As he groans, the Sword of Konami slips from his grasp, reducing him to only one life.  
>The Prince of Darkness attempts to grab it but I step on it and slide it away from him. At that moment Flossman strides up to the fiend and places his megabuster against the vampire's temple.<br>Dracula looks around in a panic then composes himself, staring directly at Flossman.  
>"What is a man?" Flossman responds by blasting his head clean off.<br>And with that, it seems that our story is at a close. We continue traveling along the blue and cyan brick road when suddenly it ends and we all go our separate ways. Nameless Mormon Boy finds the temple of Mega Man, causing him to finally appreciate the music of both the Mega Man games and Brentalfloss. He even goes on to start the video game band, the Megas. Neil goes on to continue his quest to rescue Princess Zelda from the evil lord Ganon. Earthworm Jim flies off in a spaceship to rescue Princess What's-her-name. Stephen Colbert manages to make it out of the game and starts his own show, the Colbert Report. (We told him he should have kept it as the Stephen Report, but whatever.) Felicia Day thanks us for rescuing her and goes back to her cottage to help future adventurers in need. Flossman gives us a "sup" nod and flies off into the sunset. That leaves me, Shae, avilonis, and EeveeChick to find out how to get back to our world.  
>However, this moment is interrupted by a booming voice that's all too familiar.<br>"Leaving so soon...?"  
>With that, the sunny, blue sky suddenly darkens as lightning bolts crash everywhere. Dracula himself then floats down in the form of an enormous, vicious demonic bat.<br>"How the fuck did you survive?" I demand.  
>"This is a video game. You didn't seriously expect that I wouldn't have a final form? NOW I SHALL TASTE YOUR BLOOD!"<br>"Time to finish the fucker off once and for all."

"Ah shit!" I exclaimed.  
>Shae attacked first with her metal claws, but the giant Dracula Bat just flew higher into the air.<br>"You can't get me up in the air now, can't you?" Dracula Bat snickered.  
>I looked up at the lightning in the sky and resent out my Jolteon.<br>"JOLTEON! USE THUNDER!"  
>Jolteon drew the lightning to itself and created a giant strike to the Bat, paralyzing it. Dracula was flying lower and lower. Purpleblob took his Sword of Konami and sliced him in the chest, weakening Dracula even more to the point where he reverted back to his original self.<br>"This was almost too easy." avilonis said, "I was expecting more of a challenge."  
>"You want a challenge," Dracula laughed, "Then I can grant that request."<br>He took a potion from his robe and drank it. The potion gave him strength and helped him grow to a giant size Dracula.  
>"Now nothing can stop me! Muah hahahahahaha!" Dracula cackled.<br>Purpleblob, avilonis, and Shae lunged forward to attack, while I sent out Leafeon and Umbreon to assist Jolteon. I had Leafeon use Swords Dance to charge up some attack power and Umbreon used waves of Dark Pulse to try to slow it down.  
>"Leafeon, use Leaf Blade!"<br>Unfortunately, Dracula was too smart for me and used a flame from his hand to attack Leafeon, burning it. I used a Burn Heal on Leafeon, and then I called it back to send out Espeon.  
>"Espeon, use Future Sight!"<br>It cast a Future Sight. This was going to take a bit before it would actually hit Dracula.  
>While I was powering up my Pokémon, Shae was injured, avilonis was protecting himself using a smoke shield, and Purple was still using the Sword of Konami. None of us could even penetrate through Dracula's new found power.<br>"Is all lost for we four heroes?"

It's just then that I get an idea. None of us alone can hurt Dracula, but if all of us combine our attacks...  
>I decide to act fast again. Dracula will surely destroy us if we don't act soon. I take one of Shae's claws and fasten it to the tip of my Sword of Konami. I then have EeveeChick's Jolteon charge the sword with electric energy. Finally, I have avilonis use his smoke powers to lift the sword up into the air and hurl it straight at Dracula. The sword goes straight into his heart. The Prince of Darkness screams in pain and tries to pull the sword out, but Shae's claw on the tip keeps the sword lodged in his chest. Just then Jolteon's electricity on the sword passes through Dracula, burning him inside and out and causing him to shrink to his normal size.<br>The dying fiend limps towards us, panting and bleeding profusely.  
>"You...think this is over...?"<br>Just then Espeon's attack hits Dracula. Unfortunately for him, this attack causes him to burst into flames, lose all his limbs, and be completely ripped apart by the winds.  
>At last, the Prince of Darkness is undoubtedly dead.<br>And the heroes walk off into the sunset...  
>THE END...FOR NOW...<p> 


	2. Tiers Are For Nevermind AKA Chapter 2

Just as they thought it was all over, our heroes walking away, Captain Falcon fell from the rubble of the castle wearing a Flossman T-shirt. He stared in a stone cold demeanor and yelled:

"MEELEE!"

And poof, we're suddenly trapped inside Super Smash Bros. Meelee.

"What the hell just happened here?" Shae demands.

avilonis looks around, showing agitation for once in his life, "My guess is that somebody switched games while we were still inside the system.

"What should we do?" EeveeChick yells.

"Well," I say, cleaning my Sword of Konami, "I guess the one thing we can do is fight our way through this new game and find once and for all what's going on. Who's with me?"

"Sounds like a plan," I said, "It looks like I won't be needing my Pokemon for this."

I took off my Pokeball belt and all the Pokeballs disappeared into storage. I equipped my Sword of Konami, which Steve Colbert had given back to me before he departed a while back. Shae still had her weapons.

"We'll have to split up in two groups for this," I continued, "Purpleblob and avilonis will be one group and I'll partner up with Shae."

A team tournament was getting set up and we signed up our teams. Shae and I were having our first match against Team Link (Link and Young Link) at the Great Bay stage, while Purpleblob and avilonis were having their first battle against Donkey Kong and Bowser in one of the Jungle stages.

3...2...1...GO!

avilonis begins by unloading round after round at DK and Bowser. The bullets manage to wound DK but Bowser is still storming after us, his thick spiked turtle shell deflecting all the bullets, only making him angrier and causing the bullets to deflect back at us.

As we're dodging bullets, I begin to feel that we're in a bit of trouble, "avilonis, STOP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

He stores his guns away and takes out his smoke pipe. I try to say "good idea" but before I can, Bowswer slide tackles me. He slams me against a wall and tries to breath fire at me, but I dodge roll away and try to slice at his back with my sword. However his spikes just deflect it. The angry lizard turns around to breath fire at me again, but avilonis steps in between us with a smoke shield. It seems like this strategy is still working until a bloody and pissed off DK storms over, lifts avilonis, and hurls him off the stage. While avilonis is hanging on to the side of the stage, Bowser tries to swipe at me but I dodge away. He then jumps several feet into the air. I prepare and lift my sword straight up, bracing myself for what will surely happen next.

avilonis pulls himself back up just in time to see Bowser body slam me. However, the tyrant king doesn't move a muscle until I manage to lift his body off of me and dislodge my sword from his soft underbelly.

We corner DK, who starts furiously pounding the ground, throwing us high into the air. While we're in the air, avilonis casts a smoke platform high above the stage which we land on. However, DK, being a monkey and all, manages to climb onto our platform and chase us to the very edge of it, which hangs off the stage by several meters. We manage to dodge away from DK's attempt to grab us and end up with his back facing us. avilonis mutters to me, "Prepare to jump." I Sparta-kick DK off the platform. However, the ape's resilient and hangs on. "JUMP!" avilonis shouts. Suddenly, the smoke platform dissipates and we all find ourselves falling. If we hit that ground before DK goes offscreen, then we're done for. I close my eyes and prepare for the worst when suddenly the round ends.

We are victorious.

I clashed my sword with Link's sword and Shae dukes it out with Young Link. Young Link was quick on his feet, shooting Fire Arrows at Shae. She dodges two of them, but the third one hit her in arm. Her damage meter went up 20%. I struck a few hits on Link, bringing is damage level to 25%. Young Link struck me in the back, grabbed me, and tossed me to the side, causing my damage to rise to 50%. Shae attack both Link and Young Link and brought their damage up higher. This kept going for awhile until Team Link had almost 100% damage.

"I forgot, are these rounds timed?" I asked Shae.

"From what I remember, it's five minutes per round." She answered.

I looked at the timer and we still had about four minutes left. I grabbed a nearby Bob-omb and threw it towards them. It exploded both of them off the screen, giving me two points for our team.

The four of us continued fighting. Shae was able to knock out Link, scoring another point, but lost it when Young Link knocked her down. I got revenge by knocking out Young Link. My damage meter at this point was at 105% and I needed some health. I spotted a heart container and grabbed it before anyone else did. We both scored some more points until the round was over. We had won by a landslide.

"Did pretty good, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, we sure did." she replied, "Let's go meet up with the guys and see how they're doing."

After all of round one for all the teams were over, the winners moved on to the next bracket and was allowed a few hours for break. We caught up with Purpleblob and avilonis and grabbed some lunch.

"So, I see you guys got to round two successfully." I said, smiling.

"It was a bitch," avilonis said, "and a bit messy, but we made it."

"You mean to tell me that you got violent?" Shae asked angrily.

"Oh they're fine," avilonis said, trying to calm Shae down, "After a night at the hospital, of course."

"Enough," Purpleblob spoke up, "You shouldn't have used your guns in the first place."

"Well, gee, soooory." avilonis said sarcastically, "My guns got confiscated anyway, so no more Mr. Trigger Happy. I was told that if I injured one more fighter like that, I'll be disqualified."

"Let's just hope you'll keep it clean from now on, okay?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it," avilonis replied, "Let's just eat."

We finished our two hour break and got back into the tournament. For round two, Purpleblob and avilonis were up against the Ice Climbers and Ness on the Ice Mountain Stage and Shae and I were against Mario and Luigi on the Peach's Castle Stage.

Round 2...Begin!

Oh God...Ness and the Ice Climbers...

I don't even want to bother writing out an epic violent action scene for them.

Hmm...avilonis and I curb stomp all three of them and win.

BOOM! WE'RE DONE WITH THAT ROUND!

Or are we...?

For watching the tournament through a security monitor is none other than this story arc's villain!

"Good...good..." He says.

Who are this mysterious creator and administrator of the tournament!

Let's find out in 3...2...1...

It's none other than Master Hand, along with Crazy Hand and John Stewart.

"Dude, this is awesome!" Stewart said with excitement.

"Don't get too worked up, my comedic fellow," Master Hand said, "Once we have the winning team, they'll go up against Crazy Hand and myself."

"Well, what happens if they beat you?" Stewart asked, "Do they win a trophy or something?"

"What do you think this is?" Crazy Hand asked, going berserk, "We're not giving them a chance to win! Hahahahahahahaha!

"No, we won't," Master Hand said in agreement, and then he turned to Steward, "We're going to keep an eye out for Team Eevee/Shae and Team Purpleblob/avilonis. If both of those teams end up being the last two teams remaining, instead of having them fight each other, they'll fight all three of us."

"But, we'll be outnumbered." Stewart pointed out, "We should find one more person to fight along with us."

Master Hand thought about this for a moment.

"We'll find someone," he said, "in the meantime, let's keep watching."

Meanwhile, Shae and I were losing against the Mario Bros. We were down by three points and had two minutes left on the clock.

"Shae, we gotta pick up the pace," I yelled, "If we don't hurry up, we're gonna lose."

"I'm sorry, Eevee," she said, "I'm just no match for them."

I noticed Luigi was about to grab a Maximum Tomato to reduce his damage meter, but I got to it first and then knocked him off the stage for a point. Shae knocked out Mario next, which left us with only one point behind. It was less than a minute to go and a huge party ball appeared. I hit the ball and a few seconds later, four Bob-ombs fell out. Luigi grabbed one and threw it towards me, but I caught it in midair and threw it back at him, exploding the pile of Bob-ombs and threw Luigi off the Stage. Now we were tied.

5...4...3...2...1...TIME!

Shit. We went to Sudden Death. Shae kicked Luigi off the stage, but Mario grabbed her and threw her off. Now it was just me and Mario. Mario grabbed a Beam Sword and tried to swing at me, but I dodged it, sidestepped behind him and hit him with my sword, knocking him off and ending the match.

GAME!

We all meet up after Round 2.

"So?" I smirk, "That one was a close one wasn't it?"

"Yeah and I guess your's was a walk in the park." Shae shoots back.

"Yeah I guess it was." I respond

"Maybe you shouldn't castigate us for unnecessary bloody and graphic violence when it actually works," avilonis adds dryly.

We prepare for the next round.

Meanwhile, Master Hand, Crazy Hand, and John Stewart are debating who should be their fourth member. Suddenly a ghostly face appears in a nearby mirror.

"Master Hand..." it moans.

Master Hand sighs, "What do you want, Simmons?"

"Sir, I am every so grateful to you for rescuing me from the ruins of Castle Dracula, but I feel your methods are a bit...how should I say...unintelligent..."

Crazy Hand explodes on him, "You fucking Magic Mirror on the Wall wannabe I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Master Hand stops his brother while speaking to the ghostly face, "Go on, Simmons."

"Well, sir. You speak of having all four adventurers fight you in the final round. However, master Stewart does have a point: powerful as you are, if you fight all four of them in the final round, you shall surely be defeated. If, though, you pit them against each other in the semifinals..."

"Yes..." Master Hand ponders, "Good...good... I like that idea. I like it a lot!"

"Then we shall pit these heroes against each other in the semifinals..." John Stewart schemes.

"And after all," Master hand states, "what would happen when you pit powerful, heroic forces against each other, try to guess."

"BLOOD IN THE STREETS HAPPENS!" Crazy Hand laughs maniacally.

"Then we shall enact this plan immediately," Master Hand states.

"Of course," Crazy hand adds as he turns a dial that enables fighters to actually die, "Just have to make one little 'adjustment'..."

"What," I yelled, "our next opponents are Purpleblob and avilonis?"

Shae heard me yell and came over as we both saw the next bracket, which were the Semi-Finals.

"No surprise," avilonis said coldly as him and Purpleblob ran over, "I have this feeling that we're being watched and someone, or something, doesn't want all four of us in the finals."

"Well, it's a good thing that the Semi-Finals will be tomorrow." I said in relief, "They were only planning on doing two rounds today."

"How are we going about doing the fight?" Shae asked.

"The only thing I can think of is one of our teams should forfeit, so we can speed up the process," Purpleblob suggested.

"I don't think we're allowed to forfeit," I said.

"Why," Purpleblob asked.

"Think about it," I said, "if there really is a crooked super villain running the show, do you think he/she would let us do that?"

"No, I suppose not," he answered.

"Wait!" avilonis exclaimed, "I have an idea! Let's meet up at my secret headquarters tonight. I'll discuss it there."

Later that night, avilonis lead us to his secret HQ, miles away from the tournament location. We all sat in beanbag chairs as avilonis went over his plan.

"Okay, here's how this is gonna go down," he began, "since our super villain is bent on having us destroyed, I believe I have a plan to counter his "semi-finals" match up. What I'm going to do is make clones of Team Eevee/Shae so that Purpleblob and I will fight them instead of the real Team Eevee/Shae. While that's going on, Eevee and Shae will go on an investigation and find out who's behind this."

"That's great and all, but I have one question," Purpleblob said, "How are you going to make the clones?"

"I'll extract a small amount of DNA from both Eevee and Shae and combine it with some smoke powers and other things," avilonis continued, "This is a full-proof plan that's sure to work."

"Honestly, that's the best idea I've heard," I spoke up, "We just have to make sure no one catches on to our plan."

"That will be easy," avilonis said, "I already have..."

Just before avilonis could finish, we heard some noises and a scream outside HQ. We all went to investigate and found a tall man wearing a suit and tie, had some grey in his hair, and was hanging upside down in a tree.

"Wow, that worked better than I thought," avilonis snickered.

"You put up a trap?" Purpleblob asked.

"Well duh, you can never be too careful." avilonis said, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever, smarty pants," Purpleblob said, turning his attention to the man, "Now, who the hell are you and what do you want?"

"I'm John Stewart," the man answered, "I was going to eavesdrop on you guys, until I got caught by this trap. Please help me get down."

"Why should we," Shae asked with her hands on her hips.

"I never wanted to join the bad guys," he said, "I just wanted my own TV show called The Weekly Report."

"Wait a minute, why does this sound familiar?" I asked suspiciously.

"I'm friends with Stephen Colbert," Stewart continued, "He's told me about his adventures with you guys."

"Look pal, I don't want a repeat of our last adventure," avilonis said, "How about I just call a friend of ours to beam you away from here?"

"Oh come on, please?" Stewart begged.

The four of us thought for a moment.

"What would you do if we let you go?" Purpleblob asked.

"I'll let you guys into the villains' secret lair, where they watch everything through their security cameras," Stewart replied, "I know the passwords and have access to everything."

"Hmm," I pondered, "I was wondering how we were going to find and get in the villains' hideout, so this is rather convenient."

"Yes, I think that will do just fine," avilonis said, letting the comedic man down, "John Stewart, welcome to our group."

With a new ally on our side, we were more than prepared to execute our plan to expose our foes.

While the clones are still going through the development process back at our base, we and John Stewart find ourselves sneaking through Melee headquarters.

"If I'm right," Stewart tells us, "their control room should be right...here."

Just as we reach the control room, we find it empty.

"Hm," I say, "That's odd."

Suddenly the two Hands appear on a balcony high above.

"Well done, John Stewart," Master Hand says.

"Mimeses," Crazy Hand giggles with glee, "Now they will pay for their treachery! THEY WILL PAY!"

Just then the room fills up with sleeping gas, and the next thing we know, we're all unconscious.

While John Stewart locks us up in a cell, Master Hand and Crazy Hand deliberate.

"Hmmmm," Master Hand ponders, "so it appears they won't fight. How unfortunate..."

"I've got a better idea!" Crazy Hand exclaims, "Let's just KILL THEM ALL NOW! HAHAHAHAHHA!"

"No, no," Master Hand calmly states, "We have to play by the rules, don't we?"

"FUCK THE RULES! WE WANT THEM DEAD AND WE HAVE THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO DO IT NOW!"

Master Hand sighs. His brother will never understand.

"What we need," Master Hand goes on, "is an incentive for them to fight...living bait, if you will."

"You mean like a hostage?" Crazy Hand perks up.

Simmons rolls his eyes, "Oh yes, because that worked oh so well last time..."

Master Hand ignores the ghostly face and turns to his brother, "Ever heard of Felicia Day...?"

We turn to the cottage in the forest, where we find our heroine, Felicia Day, sitting on her porch and enjoying the chirps of the birds on this bright, sunny day. She was reading a book about Guilds, when suddenly; Flossman beamed down and scared the crap out of her.

"What's up?" he asked.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to startle me like that?" She shot back.

"Sorry," he apologizes, "I'm here to bring you that apple pie you ordered."

"Thank you," she said, grabbing the pie.

"By the way," Flossman said, "Have you been watching the Super Smash Bros. Melee tournament on TV?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"Our friends are in trouble."

"Wait, what, how?"

"I don't know how they ended up there, but I sense something may have happened to them."

So Flossman and Felicia once again set out on another adventure.

Meanwhile, back at the prison cells:

"Dude, this is fucking bullshit." Purpleblob complained.

"How could we have been stupid enough to believe John Stewart?" Shae asked.

"At least I got my guns back." avilonis said.

"How exactly are we going to get out of here?" Purpleblob asked.

"I don't know, but I would hate to have to agree to their demands," I replied.

"Maybe Flossman can help." Shae suggested.

"Nah, I don't think he would," avilonis said, "He's too busy with other things. We really should get out of here ourselves."

"That's it!" I exclaimed, "Let's just forfeit and go home. There's no reason for us to be here anyway and then we don't have to fight in the tournament anymore."

avilonis groaned at this.

"But that's no fun," he said, "I love killing for flesh and blood."

"Are you kidding me?" Purpleblob asked angrily, "You would rather stay here and run the risk of having two of us killed, just so you can have your blood fest?"

avilonis didn't respond.

"Unbelievable!" Purpleblob continued, throwing his hands in the air, "Well, you know what? The three of us are going to get out and go home, while you stay here and enjoy yourself. Don't come crying to us if you need help."

"Pfft, I can take care of myself." avilonis said with confidence.

So, Shae, Purpleblob, and I looked around the cell to see if we could escape somehow.

Of course, there's no way out. The Hands have developed this whole system, so no matter how much we attempt to escape, we can't get out. We come back to our original holding area defeated to find avilonis smoking yet another doobie.

"Really, avilonis: You're smoking a doobie at a time like this?" I sigh.

"Yeah, I guess so," avilonis says, stowing his pipe, "What you don't understand is that these people are going to make us fight whether we want to or not. I dunno, I guess they're just dicks like that."

"He has a pretty big point," I concede, "And after all, we still have that whole clone plan thing going on. We just have to find a way to switch them with the real ones."

"That's the spirit, Purp," avilonis says cheerfully. Suddenly, he looks rather guilty.

"What? What is it?" EeveeChick exclaims.

"I...might...have...accidentally made them evil..."

"YOU DID WHAT?"

Meanwhile, John Stewart, accompanied by Ganondorf, teleports to Felicia Day's cottage, only to find her gone:

"Shit!" Stewart exclaims, "They're gonna be pissed that we haven't nabbed Felicia Day."

"Well," Ganondorf says, "Maybe we're not too late. Look, let's just teleport back to base and see what else we can do."

They both teleport, but a glitch in the teleportation system causes them to teleport right near our secret base. They spot Felicia Day and Flossman going inside.

"Run, little rabbit, run...but soon our paths will be one..." John Stewart muses creepily.

What results is an intensely awkward silence...

Even more meanwhile, Felicia Day and Flossman are sneaking into our base, only to find it deserted.

"Hello?" Felica calls out.

"Mutha-fuckers?" Flossman tries to summon us. However nobody answers.

They move further into the base and see what looks like EeveeChick and Shae in suspended animation. They suddenly wake up and get out of their pods, advancing towards Flossman and Felicia with their weapons drawn.

"Hey guys, where are the others?" Flossman tries to greet them. However, he is just met with stony silence and more hostility. He instinctively steps in front of Felicia and gets ready for the worst.

"What the hell is going on here?" He shouts.

Then they attack.

Flossman and Felicia dodge out of the way. Flossman shoots his Mega Buster at Fake Shae, disabling one of her arms. Fake EeveeChick tried to give Flossman the Kiss of Death, but Felicia roundhouse kicked the faker in the stomach. Fake EeveeChick bent over in pain. Fake Shae lunged forward to attack Felicia, but Flossman shot at the faker again, damaging the clone even more.

The four of them fought for a bit more until both clones were severely injured. One of the clones blew a hole out in the ceiling of the secret base and both of them escape.

"Shit," Felicia cried, "Do we go after them?"

"Not so fast."

Ganondorf and John Stewart jumped through the hole and landed on the floor.

"We really don't have time for this." Flossman said, crossing his arms.

"Where are our friends?" Felicia asked angrily, with her fists clenched.

"Like we're gonna tell you that," John Stewart snorts, "It would be stupid of us to reveal that your friends are being held captive at SSBM Headquarters in a basement prison cell."

"You fucking idiot!" Ganondorf screamed at John Stewart.

"Hey thanks pal."

With that, Flossman grabs Felicia and they beam out through the hole in the ceiling. Ganondorf was so pissed at John Stewart, that he took the comedic man and encased him in a nearby pod.

"Now you'll die for your insolence." Ganondorf said with an evil smile.

Ganondorf left in a hurry to catch up to the heroes. John Stewart was in a lot of trouble. He struggled to break free, but pounding on the door over and over was not doing him any good. Just then, John Stewart went into his pocket and grabbed his cell phone, typed up a text message, and sent it to his friend, Stephen Colbert.

'God, I hope this works.' John Stewart thought in a panic.

Meanwhile in Comedy Central's World News Headquarters, Stephen was using a socket wrench on John's chair. "We'll see who takes control of the 11:00 PM time slot NOW!" He snickered. Just then he got the text. "GREAT SCOTT, John's in trouble!" He stood up and after pushing his glasses back up on his nose he ran for the ColbertNation Teleporter 3000 O-Tron and teleported to John's location.

"I got here as quick as I could! So...what's up?"

John Stewart kept banging on the pod door to no avail. Steven Colbert pulled the pod hatch and let John out.

"Thank god," John said, taking in deep breaths, "I thought I was done for."

"What the hell happened here," Stephen asked.

"I was with Ganondorf and he locked me in there because I did something stupid." John answered.

"See what happens when you're with the wrong crowd?" Stephen asked, clicking his tongue.

"I guess you're right." John sighed, "Let's just head back to the Comedy Central Station."

They went to the ColbertNation Teleporter 3000 O-Tron and transported away.

At the Smash Bros. Melee HQ, Master Hand and Crazy Hand were growing impatient.

", WHERE IS JOHN AND GANONDORF?" Crazy Hand flailed.

"I don't know, Brother," Master Hand replied, shaking his head, "They were supposed to be back by now, but the security cameras have spotted Felicia Day and some weird guy with a Mega Buster."

"SHIT THAT'S FLOSSMAN!" Crazy Hand panicked, "HE'S POWERFUL AND STUFF."

"Flossman, oh," Master Hand repeated, "we have ways to deal with him."

Master Hand twitched.

"I know what we must do..."

Crazy Hand kept silent.

"We must use his one weakness... hair growth serum!"

The four heroes sat trying to think what to do when suddenly one of the air duct vent covers flew from the wall and in the darkness of the vent all that could be seen was the red hot glowing barrel of a Mega Buster "Sup fuckers," Flossman said as he jumped down.  
>"Bout time," avilonis said jokingly.<br>"You knew I was coming?" Flossman laughed after a long winded explanation of their capture and the smoke clones they began to rest when they heard moans coming from some were. Then they saw them; hundreds of Redead coming from every hallway connected to the cell room.  
>They all drew their weapons except for avilonis who calmly walked out in front of the group he stood quietly for a moment then tossed Flossman his hat, "Take care of this for me, Floss, get them out of here wait for me by the main gate for an hour if I don't make it back leave." Flossman nodded avilonis holstered his magnums and lit his pipe then quickly withdrew two M1887's spun them to cock them both at the same time they could now see his long black hair tied back he let it loose, the group had beamed to the air duct watching him stand there he let his long black duster slide off revealing how much fire power he was truly carrying almost enough to arm a small city they started to walk down the vent only stopping for a moment when they heard avilonis, "LETS GO YOU REDEAD FUCKS!" followed by shots the pressed on.<p>

"Yes of course!" Master Hand moved in a way that may convey the action of smiling, "BRING IN THE SERUM!" After he said this a Smash Ball filled with the serum floated in. Master Hand held the hair growth serum. He gave it to Crazy Hand, "Go find Flossman and administer the serum. DO NOT FAIL ME OR THERE WILL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES!"

As we're escaping, we look back and see avilonis being mobbed by the Redeads. He's taking them out left and right, yet they're closing in on him. They get closer and closer until the unthinkable happens.

avilonis is killed.

Just like that.

As we watch in horror, Master Hand and Crazy Hand barge in, scattering all of the remaining Redeads. Crazy Hand is holding the hair growth serum while Master Hand is holding Felicia Day.

"Damn it, Felicia!" Flossman shouts, "How the hell did you get captured again!"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Crazy Hand taunts, "You want the girl back? WELL YOU CAN'T HAVE HER! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Unless," Master Hand adds, stealing the hair growth serum away and tossing it to Flossman, "You intentionally inject yourself with this hair growth serum. Then we might consider giving back Ms. Day..."

"Flossman, NO!" I shout.

"We've already lost too many!" Shae yells.

"It...looks like I've got no choice..." Flossman says, defeated. Before we can stop him, he injects himself with the hair growth serum. Already he begins to weaken. Crazy Hand laughs maniacally and pimp slaps the now powerless Floss.

Master Hand floats over, "You are truly pathetic... And guess what? We lied! Felicia Day remains ours..."

He then turns to us, "And if you ever want to see her alive again, you're all going to fight, capisci? If you don't, I'm going to let my brother have his way with the lady here. And it won't be pretty."

Crazy Hand erupts into maniacal laughter again while Master Hand seals our cell door again and flies away with Felicia.

"Damn it!" I pound the cell door, "We were so close!"

"Yeah," EeveeChick says, "Poor avilonis..."

We all mourn for him for a bit. Suddenly, our cell door bursts open! Who could our saviors be?

It is none other than:

The two clones start to laugh and taunt the heroes. "Too bad about the gunslinger he had a nice hat though," Clone Shae said as she put on his own, just as she started to smile both the clones heads exploded causing them to turn to smoke standing behind them was a badly wounded avilonis.  
>"NO BODY...TOUCHS MY FUCKING HAT BITCH."<br>"What the hell, how is that possible," Purp gasped.  
>"We saw you die," said Shae.<br>avilonis laughed," You saw a clone die. I can clone myself instantly but cloning anyone else takes time and resources, but know let's not cheer just yet if we don't get out of here soon I won't make it...everybody take a gun from my duster." avilonis throws it in the cell after finishing his explanation. He turns and blows the lock off the cell door. "If I don't make it: keep the guns and anything else on me you need, and you keep this if don't make it," he said placing his hat on Shae's head he took his glove off and showed her a triangle glowing on the back of his hand she looked up and he winked the heroes set out to save Flossman!

They ran past everything that got in their way, eventually making it to a large pair of red doors that had a powerful dark energy about them.  
>The moral of our heroes plummeted instantly, each one becoming less daring and more submissive by the second. Just as all will to fight had been lost, a voice came from the hallway behind, the injured avilonis limping to catch up.<br>"Come on ya cripples, get the fuck moving!" He yelled.  
>Everyone else replied at once;<br>"We can't... it's hopeless."  
>"Listen, I'm badass but I'm already injured, I can't take two hands at once."<br>"Then we truly have lost..."  
>"Don't you understand i... need... some HHHHEEEEEEAAAAAALLLLLPPPPPPP?"<br>A faint noise began from the path behind; a motor bike with a star on the front zoomed into the room and past our heroes as large figure in black leaped off. The bike crashed through the door and the figure in black stood up straight.  
>He then announced in a strong stern voice: "I am Agent BA-1: Chieftain."<p>

The heroes pass out from there weakness, they wake up later at avilonis's base he was wrapped up with bandages smoking his pipe as they all awoke he greeted them calmly with water and a warm meal after they were done avilonis walked in just his jeans horrendous scars showing some fresh some old.  
>"What the hell happened back there?" Purp asked.<br>"I don't know… Where is Flossman?" Shae asked.  
>"I don't know," avilonis mimicked"<br>"What are we gonna do?" EeveeChick asked.  
>They all looked at avilonis he paused, "That I do know, we're the heroes of this gig, right? What's one of the things heroes do? "The other heroes looked at each other all having the right ideas but holding their comments as they do not want to seem wrong, "They can always make adjustments to the ever changing evil, adaptation, my friends, is the key to victory… temporary or not."<br>"How do you adapt to that door?"  
>"Easy, the Agent said going into the Living Chamber, the door is made of an enchanted wood that casts a willpower-leeching field, and what is wood's weakness?" asked avilonis.<br>"Fire," they all said in unison, with a bit of annoyance.  
>"What type of small creature can use fire?" This inquiry caused the others to gaze at EeveeChick.<p>

"It looks like I might need my Pokémon back for this." I said, taking off all of my weapons, "Is there a computer I can use to get in contact with one of my professors?"

"You can use mine," avilonis said, pointing to his.

I went over to it and typed a number in as fast as I could. A few rings later, I got in touch with someone I never would have expected.

"Well, it's good to see you again, my dear," said a familiar voice.

"Professor Oak, you're alive?" I asked him, a bit startled.

"Lucky for me, that bite on the neck from that Dracula fiend wasn't as deadly as everyone feared," the good professor said, feeling relieved, "The doctors were able to get me the medicine I needed to make a full recovery."

"Thank goodness for that," I said.

"Now, from my understanding, you stored all of your Pokémon here," Professor Oak said in a more business like tone.

"Yes," I said, "I'm going to need them now."

"I'll send them over right away." Professor Oak said, typing away on his end.

A few moments later, all of my Pokémon and my belt zapped through. I grabbed it and sent out my team; Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, and Leafeon. I then turned to everyone.

"It's time."

Meanwhile, both Felicia Day and Flossman were being held captive by Master Hand and Crazy Hand.

"You two are helpless now," Master Hand sneered, "Your friends are nowhere to be found."

"They will all come back for us," Felicia said, "I know they will."

"LET'S TORTURE THEM, MUAH HAHAHAHAHA!" Crazy Hand laughed maniacally.

"For once Brother, I think you may be on to something." Master Hand said in agreement, "Put Flossman in the torture chamber."

Crazy Hand obeyed and after this was done, Master Hand threw the switched and zapped Flossman of all this powers and hair, causing him to revert back to Brentalfloss.

"Stop this immediately!" Felicia screamed.

Will our heroes make it back before Brentalfloss gets fried to death? Stay tuned!

"Move," Chieftain yelled. "Your friend won't last much longer! Good thing i shattered the door with my..."

The shards of red wood flies off the ground and rebuild it.

"Good thing you got your Pokémon back."

"I try not to go without them too long... and wait why aren't you affected by the doors magic?"

Chieftain stopped. "At the cost of all of your trust I must say: That is in fact... classified."

"Flareon, use Flamethrower!"

Flareon's fire burnt down the door with ease. We were all shocked in horror in the state of Brentalfloss. Felicia Day was tied down with chains.

"So, you've all finally arrived." Master Hand sneered, "It's time for my brother and I to crush you!"

Both giant hands were ready to fight. I returned Flareon and sent out Jolteon.

"Jolteon, use Thunderbolt!"

Jolteon shot its Thunderbolt at Master Hand, paralyzing it. Crazy Hand went berserk and grabbed Jolteon. I sent out Espeon and had its Psychic energy freeze Crazy Hand in place so Jolteon could escape.

The other heroes lunged forward and attacked both hands. Shae found a way to free Felicia Day and I had Jolteon free Brentalfloss from the torture chamber, but he was extremely weak.

"Shae, let's get these two out of here," I yelled, "The boys will take care of things. You and I will come back later to finish the fight!"

So, Brentalfloss, Felicia, Shae and I, with Jolteon and Espeon still out of their PokéBall, traveled out of Super Smash Bros. Melee HQ and traveled back to Felicia's cottage.

Meanwhile, Purpleblob, avilonis, and Chieftain, fought the two Hands. The three heroes combined their power to do as much damage as possible. With Master Hand paralyzed, the fight was a bit easier.

The hands fell quickly; Chieftains EBA badge causing the dark magic's of theirs to have no effect.

With Crazy Hand beaten and Master Hand flailing uncontrollably the heroes sat for a rest.

Chieftain took his hat off and threw off his sun glasses, took a deep breath and gasped at what he saw next.

Ganon had arrived! Dun dun dun!

Chieftain sprinted at Ganon, fist back but the king of evil stepped aside and grabbed the agent by the throat, then proceeded to crush said agents windpipe. We all try to reach Chieftain, but by then both Master Hand and Crazy Hand have made a full recovery and pimp slaps us away from saving our new comrade. Eventually, Chieftan loses consciousness. Ganondorf is about to finish the job when suddenly he's blasted from behind by a Mega Buster. We turn around to see our old comrade, nameless Mormon Boy - who has since our last adventure become Josh of the Megas!

"Nameless Mormon Boy!" we all shout with glee.

"The name's Josh now..." he says.

Suddenly, Ganondorf roars and charges towards Josh, but he blasts the evil lord straight in the face with a blast from his Mega Buster, creating a cauterized stump where Ganondorf's head used to be.

"Well, well, well..." Master Hand looms over us, "You're quite the pests, aren't you? It seems that as the supreme overlords of Super Smash Brothers, we're going to have to teach you a lesson..."

"Yeah!" Crazy Hand adds, sticking up his middle finger.

I look at avilonis, "Feel like a repeat of Dracula?"

"Sure thing," avilonis says, "but this time I think we aim for something else..."

Crazy Hand keeps gloating, but suddenly he sees a sword traveling towards him.

*SLLLLLIIIICCCEEEEEEE*

Crazy Hand screams in pain while his severed middle finger lands right on Smashfan and, for lack of better words, smashes him.

"You insolent fool!" Master Hand charges towards us, but by then me, avilonis, and Josh have lifted up Crazy Hand's middle finger, aiming it right at Master Hand. Just as the fiend is about to pummel us, we shoot a rocket from Crazy Hand's severed finger.

And boom.

Direct hit; the rocket goes right through Master Hand, blasting a hole through him.

Master Hand stops in his tracks and looks down at his wound, "I feel...cold..."

And with that ripped-off line, Master Hand drops dead.

Crazy Hand floats over to the body of his brother and then turns to us, even more insane than ever.

"Hehehehhaej;HAS;DIFJHA;SDFJASO;DFJASO;DFJ! HAHAHA YOU KILLED MY BROTHER! HAHA! NOW! YOU SHALL PAY! AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME FROM GOING BALLISTIC ON YOUR FUCKING ASSES NOW! HAHAHAHAHA;SDFJHA;SDIOKFJA;SDKFJA;LSDKFJ!"

With an open palm, he slams us into a wall and then lifts us all up in a clenched fist, slowly sucking the life force right out of us. What will we do...?

" !"

Said a voice that seemed to be approaching fast.

All of the heroes look at each other.

Oooohhhh ffffffuck, noooooo, not this again!

Out of nowhere, Madden slide tackles Crazy Hand, freeing all of us.

We all turn back to look upon the gruesome scene: Madden brutally raping Crazy Hand. Crazy Hand begins screaming in agony while Madden keeps screaming touchdown over and over again.

We take this time to sneak out of Super Smash Headquarters. Once we're out, we turn around and face the building. We can still hear Crazy Hand's agonized shouting.

"Josh?" I say, "Would you like to do the honors?"

He supercharges his Mega Buster and aims it at the building, "Gladly."

And KA-FREAKIN'-BOOM!

Super Smash Headquarters goes down, burying both Crazy Hand and Madden to death.

Probably a welcome event for the poor Crazy Hand.

We meet up with our friends back at the cottage, and after the customary greetings a heavenly light shines down on a tree stump. Suddenly there is a blinding light, and we look what have been left on the tree stump:

A trophy.

That's it.

We went through all that work for a FUCKING TROPHY!"

We all laugh it off though and have apple pie while watching the sunset...

THE END...FOR NOW...

This ending was narrated by Dan Marino.

Still not owning the characters, sorry people I forgot last time.


End file.
